I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
