Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
