So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
