I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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