On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
