Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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