I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
