Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
