hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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