You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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