I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
