I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
