I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
