; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
