can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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