margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
