a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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