Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
