glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
