I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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