A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
