That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
