Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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