he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
