So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ruined the universe
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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