I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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