I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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