she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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