Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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