What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
