i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
