the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
