I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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