What did we do last night that was yellow?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
