Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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