i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
