I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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