ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
NoShamevember. You game?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
