Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
