I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
