So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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