bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
