I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
