Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
