Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
