Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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