Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
