so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
