I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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