remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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